Comments and criticisms, as always, gratefully received.

Time flying

Passing bying

Never spying

You want it to just…

STOP

Freeze frame.

Play the game, remember a name

Make things stay the same

Just once.

Twice

It might be nice.

My joints ache. Mostly my knees and hips, often my elbows and fingers, occasionally my wrists and ankles. One of the tests is repeatedly showing inflammation in my body somewhere, but other than the joint pain I don’t seem to be exhibiting any other signs of anything the experts can immediately call to mind. Therefore more tests. Every appointment I go to thinking ‘finally I’m getting somewhere, finally they might be able to tell me what’s wrong’, but so far it’s been one big disappointment after the next. I really hate not knowing! Once I know what it is, I can start doing things about it. But not knowing makes it really difficult, as I don’t know whether trying one thing will help or increase the damage, etc. What really doesn’t help is the fact that I’ve now made it into the second term of my PGCE. I’m teaching 7-9 classes a week (lots of paperwork) plus writing essays, presentations, and working on my subject knowledge. So forgive me if I’m feeling a bit down and melodramatic. Either of the two I could probably cope with one their own, but together they’re putting a bit of a dent in my usual joie de vivre.

I need something to look forward to. Other than June the 29th (last day of the PGCE). Suggestions on the back of a postcard please.

day 01 – your favourite song: This changes regularly… today it is Songbird by Fleetwood Mac, but in the first draft of this it was Writer’s Block by Dubb
day 02 – your least favourite song: Going in for the Kill by LaRoux

She stares

A moment

Sunlight glancing off her hair

And I’m scared

God made her perfect

And this perfect moment for us to share

And I’m scared, so scared

I can’t let her down I’m aware

But here I’m safe, soul bared

I’m HIS heir

God made ME perfect

So we can share this stare

Equals, loved

Two halves of one pair

His pair

His stare

And that’s that. In other news, Greenbelt was AWESOME! Here are my top artistes of the weekend:

Foy Vance – amazing as per usual. Never fails to produce a highly entertaining set, musically brilliant with inspired use of technology. I always love the way he sings into his guitar every so often, it’s refreshing to see people messing around with the sounds they can make and being a bit crazy. He appeals to my inner geek =P whilst being excellent for general listening too! He didn’t play Billie Jean or Indiscriminate Act of Kindness (sadface), but still put in an amazing set.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EsHGpIH58k (Not from Greenbelt, but you get the idea).

Zic Zazou – A group of French men dressed in boiler suits, playing music on various household items/bits of rubbish. Very amusing, very French, very entertaining. They had a massive set, and it was amazing how many different sounds/pieces they could produce out of such an eclectic collection of instruments. Language was no barrier – communication with the audience was done fully without anyone needing to speak both French and English, which I think makes it a very successful performance!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgC59VIBwwo

The Fancy Toys – I saw these guys play in the performance cafe, where we were sat on the floor right at the front. This made it feel like a really intimate gig, even though the venue was pretty big. A total of 3 guys playing (between them) cajon, guitars, bass, ukuleles, glockenspiel, trumpet, megaphone, vocals, jingle bells, and, at one point, human percussion. I’ve probably forgotten some. Yes, they even played more than one at once, the most impressive (to my mind) being bass (hammer ons) and trumpet simultaneously! DEFINITELY a group who really enjoyed performing together, something that showed so much through the amount of fun they were having on stage. AND they signed my CD and had a chat with my afterwards – definite winner.

Check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WR665n5T7I from the festival.

Dubb – A young group of performers, fronted by a chap called Harry Knight who has won poetry slams and all kinds of awards for his performance poetry. It felt fairly dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip inspired, but different at the same time, possibly because they were much more live instrument orientated, as opposed to dan le sacs (wonderful) sampling/electronic influences. Favourite line – “Used to be a time when I didn’t know what to write about, now I just open my eyes and look around, cos there’s so much inspiration I just look at creation – how can I be lost for words if I’ve found salvation?” Love it

http://www.dubb.bandcamp.com for free listening.

The King Blues – These guys were supposed to be the warm up for Gil Scott Heron, but when he didn’t show up they were bumped up to headlining the Monday night (after playing at Reading and Leeds on the Saturday and Sunday!) Not a band I had heard previously, but I really did enjoy their set. Top songs – Save the World, Get the Girl and Headbutt, among others! Itch, the lead singer, began their encore with a poem he’d written called 5 bottles of shampoo, which I really enjoyed as well. A powerful band who are using their music and fame to reach people politically, instead of just singing about the same tired themes. I also felt like the Monday night was a real witness to any non-Christians/non-Christian bands – not only did we have no complaints/trouble with people complaining or wanting refunds because Gil Scott Heron wasn’t there, but the mainstage generator blew just before the King Blues were due to play. No trouble at all, just a field full of people singing songs from musicals and doing mexican waves, while the smoke from the burnt out generator drifted over their heads. For me, there was something almost beautiful about it. When power was restored, the King Blues got on with it, and everybody went home happy =]

5 Bottles of Shampoo – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWgRyt05nD0

Headbutt – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3kuhqcx_H

Save the World, Get the Girl – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B90s5dm33U

Overall? Greenbelt rocks. Bring on 2011, quick as you like, see you there!

Peace out -x-

Originally my plan was to park at the national trust car park, and do a circular walk up round Aira Force taking photies. Lack of planning kind of spoilt this one though, I couldn’t find the car park so I just parked in a lay by bit by the side of the lake. I wandered along and found a footpath, snapping as I went. It’s smackingly obvious that I live in the digital age when I felt constrained by only having 36 photo’s. AND I couldn’t see them and delete the dodgy ones! It was most odd. Now I have to wait til I’ve developed them too! Old school.

After an hour and a half or so, I wasn’t really keeping track, I came to a fork in the footpath. I couldn’t decide which way to go, then I realised there was a man coming down the higher path. I had a bit of a chat with him when he got to me (his name was Brian and he had a map), and it turned out that Aira Force was only about half a mile along the lower path! So I wandered along chatting with Brian (he was out walking with a rambling society, and he’d broken off and done a shorter walk because he had bad feet) about all sorts of things until we found the force. He went off to find the car park, and I got a bit snap happy with the remnants of my film. I even got a bit daring and climbed round a tree to dangle over quite a long drop. I hope that photo was worth it!

There were some menacing looking clouds looming, so I started wandering back along the footpath. I had a nice chat to a blue tit and a robin, wishing I hadn’t just finished my film, then a couple of minutes later I saw a wild deer! She was just standing watching me, for longer than I was watching her I reckon. Again, the failings of a limited number of shots came back and smacked me in the face!

I made it back to the car just before the rain started. Perfect timing. Moral of my day – take a digital camera with you as well, just in case… or a spare film.

I got home and made carrot and ginger soup with nice bread, followed by apple and cinnamon crumble and custard. It was rather fabulous. I shared this feast with Naomi, Lily and Sarah, who came over to play wii games. We played some wii sports resort and had many giggles, until everyone got tired and went home. Lucie joined us too, but quite late as she had to work.

All in all, a lovely day!

-x-

God loves me.

God

loves

ME?!?

It’s something that I often struggle to get my head around. Cos frankly, I suck as a person. I could list numerous reasons, but that would get horribly self involved, and would mean I’d end up airing my ‘dirty laundry’ so to speak over the internet, which I don’t think would be all that productive. I mean, it’s between me and God. But anyway. His Grace is SO HUGE that the creator of the whole universe not only wants to know me and spend time with me, but loves me UNCONDITIONALLY. No matter how many times I screw up. The only thing I can really compare that to is my parents back home in Huddersfield, but even then, if I did something truly horrendous (like killing one of them… I know, we’re talking extremes here) then I reckon it would, at the very least, be incredibly difficult for them to carry on loving me like I know they do. But God, he loves me even more than that. His love is limitless, it messes with my mind! How can he be so crazy as to care about me, and know me better than I know myself? Not only that, but he cares this much about EVERYONE! It’s something that I find jaw dropping. And right now, although I’m running round like a headless chicken, right now, when I should be preparing for a presentation on Mahler, all I want to do is praise him. I want to sing and dance and shout cos the Lord and creator of the universe wants to spend time with me! He’s waiting for ME! So then, what does it all matter? Essays, presentations, degrees, careers, money, the works! I know that the hardest kid in school has got my back. And not only is he bigger than the bullies, he’s smarter, braver, more loving, more compassionate, and just generally better at everything. And he wants to hang out with me. The loser of the class. The kid that smells a bit funny. He’s picked me out, called me his own, and wants nothing in return.

Me.

Wow.

Boys

Nice smells

Long hair

Eyes that let on more than they would like you to know

Being unafraid of emotion

Toned stomachs

Knowing that they’re stronger than you, but when they care enough to be as gentle as if you were made of glass

Snail trails

A little bit of stubble

A slightly off-kilter sense of humour

Imagination

Not being afraid of making a fool of themselves, or putting their heart on the line. Bravery I guess.

Chivalry

A smile that makes you go weak at the knees

A love of and faith in God that just blows me away

Girls

Endless conversations

Getting the giggles about nothing at all

Perfume

Swaying hips

Ability to express emotion

Make up and pretty dresses and shoes

Softness

Curves

Full lips

Lots of love to give

Faith as solid as a rock

A little controversial, but there you have it.

-x-

11:30am – 3:30pm = work work (aka County Diner)

4:00pm – 5:00pm = MUSC221 performance lecture/masterclass

5:00pm- 6:00pm = eat, sort life out, do uni work/piano practice, print song lyrics/chords if I’m leading in CU etc.

6:00pm – 7:30pm = CU setup/worship band rehearsal if I’m playing/leading/singing

7:30pm onwards = CU central meeting, followed by set down, followed by County Bar, eventually leading to me getting home at around 11:00pm

This is every Tuesday. At the moment I have a lot of work on. Hence still being up and still working. Again, I might have taken on too much. I could complain about sailing exec or natural horns/trumpets. But I won’t. It will all be over eventually. And I’ll probably miss it when it is. But never mind!

I always forget how much I love worship leading and worship banding (so to speak) until the next time I do it! I just love worship! Apparently it’s what I’m good at. But it took God telling me this for me to realise this. I guess it’s because of this that I’m so excited for being one of the new CU worship co-ordinators – yet again I am clearly shown how God has a plan for my life, and I’m assured that there are still greater things to come! Isn’t it amazing?! =D

I think I should go to sleep on that note. It is a good note. Small sentences = tired brain.

Peace out -x-

On Friday, Nathan and I are meeting with Amy to chat about the handover of the CU worship team. Exciting times! But I don’t get out of sailing exec for another 4 weeks =[ BUT the whole thing is really exciting!

Speaking of sailing, Coventry Uni are coming up to stay and do some sailing this weekend. It’s all rather exciting. I’m especially looking forward to seeing my friend James from home, who sails for them. He’s bringing me some new gloves =D Happy days!

At the moment my thoughts are with the Mather/Fellows families, after the sad loss of Jo. She was a beautiful individual who was so childlike, and so easily amused. I especially remember driving along the road from her care home, and Elizabeth would speed up over the speed bumps, and her face would light up and she’d laugh and laugh… she’s with the Father now though. Prayers for them would be awesome, if you’re that way inclined.

Sorry if that was a bit scrambled, my brain’s all over the place at the moment. Maybe something deep and meaningful will appear next time.

-x-